this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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