My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize