I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have aggressive nipples.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
