non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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