he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
