So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
