I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
