I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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