How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
