Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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