im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
