I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
