Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
