so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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