I hate all girls vehemently.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
