Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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