Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize