chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
