So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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