you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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