CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
