Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
