You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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