im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
