Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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