Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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