I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
