I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
