I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just cropdusted the office
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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