Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
