He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
