She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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