Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
