I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
