You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize