So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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