apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
wow bdsm is so cute
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
