The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
