Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
