She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
