The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
