And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
