i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
