if you like me you must not know who I am
...so i touched it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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