I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
