he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
