Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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