I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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