1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
