Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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