Sry I called you an 8
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
