We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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