Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
