I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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