I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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