theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
