I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
