I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
