im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
