im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
