Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
