Screwed.edu
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
