I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
