I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
