I just saw a hot homeless man
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
