Just fell off a train. Bad.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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