i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
