i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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