Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Randomize
