Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
