I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
