TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
