i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
